I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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