After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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