Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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