she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
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So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
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When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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