would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
