Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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