I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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