I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I will pee on everything he values.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
