His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
