I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
