I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
