four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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