I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
