Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
