making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
