dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
