sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
