turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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