it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
