Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
