i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
