She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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