We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
