a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
