Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
