At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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