No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize