For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize