I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
