my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
