I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
