Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
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Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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