That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
