Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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