come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
