She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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