True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
