i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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