I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
