Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
