after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
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My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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