dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
