Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
