Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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