ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I currently don't understand fingers.
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