on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
