I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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