? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
