The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You've changed since you got that strap on
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
