dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
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