Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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