Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
