i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
