Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
