I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Text me some of your sweat
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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