this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
