we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
