i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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