No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
