so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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