you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
