is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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