He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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