its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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