I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
